The horrors of swimming
by emeraldstarforever
Summary: It's time for a swimming lesson, courtesy of the new sports programme... should be fun! But no-one mentioned Vlad's phobia of water... Please read and review! I have tried to be funny with this, please tell me what you think? Emeraldstarforever xxxxxxx


**Swimming**

Today, Stockley grammar school was going to the local leisure centre, as part of the sport programme. And they were going swimming.

When everyone was called into the hall for the news, Vlad could hardly believe his ears… he hated water.

Vlad had never told Robin about his phobia of swimming – he didn't want to make a fool of himself – no doubt Robin would start laughing too. What sort of a person didn't like swimming (well, not in Stockley at least). Even Robin, who had a weird hatred of sports didn't mind swimming. Hell, Vlad bet he was the only one who didn't know how to swim! Whether this was connected to the rule that vampires weren't allowed to cross running water, Vlad didn't know… but just that if the went swimming he would be indefinitely scarred for life.

There was no way out of it though. No matter how much Vlad pleaded with his teachers, they wouldn't budge. He even offered to stay at home for _vampire lessons_ with the Count to stay at home! But Ingrid knew that something must be up for Vlad to not want to go to school – he had a perfect attendance record for goodness sake! So when Ingrid heard about the new up and coming swimming gala, she hatched a plan. First, she convinced the Count that Vlad must go to school – they were having a swimming lesson, which meant more skin was exposed – the perfect opportunity to sneak a bite! After that, the Count insisted on Vlad to go, not listening to any of his protests saying;

'Go and suck some blood for me Vlad, there's a good vamp'

The rest of Ingid's plan was to make it the worst day of Vlad's life…

That dreaded day

It was the day of the swimming lesson… and Robin was really excited. Now he could show off his amazing vampire grace and ability in the water! Though he couldn't help noticing how Vlad was very quiet and worried – there was a constant crease in between his eyes, and his eyebrows were pulled together. Surely Vlad should have been happy to be doing something considered normal? Shaking it off, Robin pranced off to the bus (which would send them to the pool), not waiting for Vlad to catch up.

The bus journey and the short walk to the swimming pool were too short, in Vlad's opinion, who had been trying to put it off for as long as possible. But now, he was standing in the changing rooms, clutching his towel to him, self conscious in how he was nearly naked, all but the tiny shorts on him.

'Come on, Vlad!' Shouted Robin 'You've been in that stall for ages! How long does it take to put on a pair of swimming trunks?'

'Well, you can't put it off for much longer' Thought Vlad to himself, sighing, as he slid open the door, and stepped out, very much against his will.

'Are you going to swim with a towel on, Vlad?' Snorted Robin, appraising Vlad's appearance – who had a towel wrapped so tightly around the lower part of his body, it had started to go red in some places where he had cut off the blood supply completely.

Reluctantly, Vlad took of the towel and laid it to one side.

'That's better'. Robin encouraged. 'I don't see what's gotten you so anxious about swimming – I'll race you to the pool!'

And with that, Robin started running very awkwardly, his arms looking like they were strapped to his sides and raising his knees very high. The lifeguard started yelling;

'No running allowed! You could slip-'

Both of Robin's legs slipped on a particularly wet piece of surface, and they lifted up high – for a moment, his body was completely in the air… then he landed with a painful sounding thump on his butt. Robin started to slide, down the slope, and carried on, till he fell with the most ungraceful PLONK into the pool. There was a moment of silence, and then everyone burst out laughing. Vlad found nothing amusing on the matter – what just happened made him want to get into the pool even less… and he felt a little sympathy for Robin. Robin resurfaced red-faced, and immediately tried to begin hauling himself onto the side of the pool.

'Arrrgh!' He complained, rubbing his sore bottom 'That bloody hurt!'

After Robin's misdemeanours, everyone was lined up, ready to get into the pool. Too busy worrying, Vlad completely missed the bit were the teacher said to put up your hand if you couldn't swim. So naturally, everyone thought that he could. So when it was his turn to jump in (off the high plank – the sort of jump boards that you see in movies), Vlad panicked. The teacher, thinking that Vlad misunderstood asked him to jump again. But Vlad was frozen like a rock, horrified at the height he had to drop, and the less that daunting water beneath him. When Vlad still wouldn't snap out of it, the teacher asked Robin, who was next in line, to help him.

'Its okay, miss, I'll just give him a shove; should start him off'

This snapped Vlad out of it. No way was he going to dive off the plank, no less _pushed_! But despite his protests, Robin wouldn't listen, and gave him a huge push (he was sure it would leave marks later), and then Vlad was falling.

He was flapping and flailing his arms like a helpless chicken, and shrieking at the top of his lungs. Suddenly, Vlad really wished that he had taken the vampire lessons with his dad – then he could just turn into a bat and fly away! And before he knew it, Vlad had plunged into the water's icy depths. Swallowing a mouthful of water, Vlad started to feel sick. After trieing to get his limbs to swim – but only managed to do some sort of underwater dance, Vlad gave up and just sort of floated to the bottom. It was really peaceful down there – and Vlad wasn't uncomfortable, probably something about not needing to breathe.

After Vlad still hadn't come up after a minute, the lifeguard took action. Diving into the pool, he saw Vlad lying at the bottom. After successfully grabbing him and getting Vlad onto the bank, he started to do chest compressions as Vlad showed no signs of life. (Vlad was, infact, traumatized by the whole experience… though he could hear snippets of what was happening around him and the uncomfortable feeling of something pumping down on his chest).

Bending down, the life guard tried to listen to the steady thumping which should have happened, but instead felt and heard nothing.

'His heart's stopped beating!'

There was a collective gasp from the audience, who, up until this moment, thought the whole situation relatively hilarious.

'Wait, stop!' Shouted Robin, who knew the real reason why Vlad's heart wasn't beating – must have been the whole undead thing.

And through Vlad's trauma like state, he heard those next words loud and clear:

'I'm going to have to give him the mouth-to-mouth!' Shouted the lifeguard.

That definitely revived Vlad. Sitting bolt upright, he coughed up a mouthful of water.

'I'M NOT GAY!' Shouted Vlad, looking at the lifeguard in a horrified way.

'I would have thought so'. Muttered Ingrid under her breath. Vlad shot her a scowl.

'It's amazing! He lives!' Shrieked the life guard in glee.

'So he does'. Glared Ingrid. That would certainly not do. Striding forwards, she shoved him into the water again. Dusting her hands off, and standing up, she looked around.

'What? Why are you all looking at me?'

When Robin and Vlad were walking up to the castle after an eventful day (more eventful than normal – with Robin's bum still bandaged up) Vlad said:

'I've decided that I'm going to become a vampy manic after all. Then at least, I won't have to worry about swimming!'

'Or' said Robin 'You could turn into a Cullen. They never had to go swimming in Twilight!'

'True… plus you get added sparkles'.

'Exactly!'

And linking arms, they skipped into the sunset, in a truly cliché ending.

THE END

Hope that was funny… I tried. Please review and tell me what you think!  
>I will give you cookies!<br>Emeraldstarforever

xxx


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